I assist with dressing; and helping folks brush their hair and teeth. I help them put on their sock's and shoes. It doesn't end their some of the folks I care for need extra help in getting in and out of bed.
It's a part of who I am. I am not good at letting others take care of me. That is just part of being the caregiver. Anyone in the health care industry can attest to this. We make bad patients but we are fabulous at our callings.
Recently I lost my dad; he didn't suffer. He actually went peacefully in his sleep. My brothers were with him; that in it's self has brought some comfort to this gal.
My dad had a kind loving and very giving heart. He loved to kid around. He would tell you a story, not just any story, but rather a tale that had you wondering if he was making it up; chances were he was. Then he would bust out with a belly laugh. My siblings and I would laugh right along side of him after we exclaimed oh dad!
We knew we had been had. I shall miss his pranks, that's for sure. Since my dad's passing I received a few call's from the agency that took care of pop's. Honestly I find them to be unnerving and I had to ask myself why?
As a caregiver I deal with death on a daily basis, it's part of the job, but now the shoe was on the other foot as I find myself being the one someone reaches out to. Yes they are doing their job, I tell myself as I ignore their call's.
No I don't wish to sit in on your grief counseling groups, and no I don't wish to chit chat with strangers about my loss! And no I am not wanting to call you back to let you know how I'm doing!
Again I know these fine folks are just doing their job; just as I have done in the past and continue to do so to-date.
As I said before the shoe is now on my foot and I now know how my clients must feel when I ask is there anything I can do for them as they say goodbye to their loved one.
No we don't want to discuss our grief with family and friends let alone total strangers. What we want is time to heal. Time to process what has taken place; time to mourn our loss. We need time just plain old time.
Calling once a month only adds to the stress. Your well meaning calls only confirm our loss and frankly some of us are not ready to face the reality.
You may wonder why I chose to write about my grief then to talk to a grief counselor. Simple answer, I'm not sitting across from anyone. There is no eye contact, no well meaning looks. No I'm sorry for your loss; simply no words being spoke other than those of my heart!
Grief comes in many forms and so does healing; and for me writing has always been my outlet. I can express myself with out fear of being judged, not that I care these days as to who feels the need to judge me. That comes with age and that my dears is another story one I won't bore you with.
We all go through the pain of loosing a loved one; there is no getting around that. We all feel the sting that death leave's behind. What we don't realize is that every one deals with loss differently. I can't say to you I know how you feel and you to me.
The truth is my loss is not like yours nor yours like mine. We all have our own personal feelings and how we deal with it is uniquely our own. What I can do is have empathy for what you're going through. Other than that were on our own.
Funny how that works. My dad will always be my hero, I will treasure the memories that we made. I may share a tale or two with those I chose to let into my memory box. But for now I'll hang on to them just a bit longer.
As for the grief counselors well my therapy couch is my laptop and I will continue to let time heal my broken heart and time will bind my wounds. My dad will always be in my heart and he is never far from my thoughts.
I love and miss you daddy..........
Author: Victoria E.Miera
Photo: From my personal album
All Rights Reserved:Do not copy with out proper credit or permission!
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